(in order from left to right...sort of)

Reggie Valis, 55

A down-on-his-luck psychiatrist from Wichita Falls, Kansas. For the last ten years he's been prescribing antipsychotics to himself because he likes the way they make his fingers tingle.

Valentin Horace, 41

Of half-Venezuelan, half-Irish descent, Valentin grew up in Flushing. Unmarried. No kids. His parents picked up on his homoerotic behavior, so they had him neutered at a very young age. His dream of raising kids in Westchester County and commuting to his art studio job having been dashed, he now scours the Internet for the latest in neuter reversal surgery while drinking spiked lemonade.

Sandra Kaysing, 29

Bubbly, talkative, and full of life. After experimenting with Buddhism, she turned her attention to the hard sciences, like fortune-telling. She now operates out of the second floor of a store-front in Venice Beach, where ten bucks can get you a tea-leaf reading and a back-rub with a foam finger.

Brian Jermin, 34

Pronounced Jeyr-MIN. His father was a French paratrooper who met his mother when he was stationed in the Congo. His parents moved to Baton Rouge and started a fly-fishing company. After Brian took over the family business, he got in trouble with a local fly-fishing cartel and had to sell for pennies on the dollar. Now he's looking for a career he can really thrive in. We've told him to stay as far away from advertising as possible, but Brian's always been a individualist. That's why we love him so much.